One thing I often hear from shy people is “I like being shy” or “There’s nothing wrong with being shy.” Is it true?
Do people think there’s something wrong with being shy? Or is it perfectly normal?
Should you just accept that shyness is the way you are and try to live with it, or should you try to change it if possible?
I’ll answer these questions in this article, but first I’ll start by saying:
You Don’t HAVE To Overcome Shyness
You do not HAVE to overcome shyness if you don’t want to. Being shy does not make you an inferior person. In fact, you don’t HAVE to do anything in life you don’t want to. It’s completely your choice whether you think it’s an issue you need to overcome or not.
I think that’s one reason people say “there’s nothing wrong with being shy.” They don’t want to be forced into doing something because of some moral obligation.
So does this mean that you should just accept being shy?
If you want to, then yes. BUT!… The answer isn’t really that simple for most people.
Most Shy People Are Lying To Themselves
Most people who are shy and say things like “I like being shy” are often actually UNSATISFIED with their social life and amount of confidence. They actually HATE being lonely and isolated and having very few friends. They HATE being scared out of their mind when they have to speak in front of many people. And they HATE that they can’t talk to that girl or guy they like.
So it’s not that they “like being shy.” They WANT to be someone who isn’t shy, and they are just using their “love of shyness” as an EXCUSE for not having the courage to face their fears directly.
They say things like “I like being shy” or “I don’t have to do something I don’t want to” as a way to make them feel better about caving into their fears and to feel better about sitting around the house all day not even trying to do anything that will move them towards a better future.
You Do WANT To Overcome Shyness
The question to ask yourself is: Do you actually like your shyness or do you want to change it?
I think that, for you, the answer is straightforward. Just look at yourself. Would you be reading this article if you really liked to be shy?
There’s all the proof you need.
Although you don’t HAVE to overcome shyness, it’s a very good thing to WANT to do. Don’t try to overcome shyness because you see it as a defect you HAVE to get rid of to make other people like you. Instead, do it because you WANT to do it, to improve your own quality of life.
Not Bad, But Not Beneficial Either
The reason to overcome shyness is not because it’s bad, but simply because it is not beneficial to you. It lowers your quality of life.
There’a a song called “Ask” by “The Smiths” that goes like this:
Shyness is nice and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You’d like to
Realize that being shy is not a benefit. It holds you back from so many important things in life — friends, sex and success, among others.
People who are shy are usually lonely and isolated. They often have very few, if any, friends. They usually have very low self esteem and see themselves as loners and losers.
Look around you and see how there are so many people trying to be more confident and social, but nobody is trying to become more scared and introverted. There’s no advantage to it.
So the reason why you should try to get rid of your shyness is because it is ADVANTAGEOUS to you.
But What About Self-Acceptance?
One other thing I’m often told is “but isn’t it important to accept yourself despite your faults?”
And yes, I think self acceptance is very important to have a healthy self esteem. Acceptance means that you feel no shame for any part of yourself.
- You aren’t ashamed that you are shy right now.
- You aren’t ashamed about any part of your physical appearance. Instead of constantly looking in mirrors to “check” your appearance, you accept it.
- You aren’t ashamed even if you are less popular or attractive than someone else.
- You aren’t ashamed that you have little friends or social life, and you don’t try to “hide” it from people thinking they’ll brush you off if they “found out.”
Becoming completely unashamed of who you are is an important step in overcoming many issues shy people face, such as inferiority.
But there’s a difference between being unashamed and simply being lazy and hopeless. The thing I’m against is when someone gives up going after something they want and then uses “self acceptance” as an excuse for their lack of courage.
If you are ready to stop making excuses and find out the REAL strategies that work at overcoming shyness fast, I wrote a killer ebook called “The Shyness and Social Anxiety System” to help you finally get this part of your life handled for good.
Go back to the How To Overcome Shyness series.