The Worst Shyness Advice In The World

just be yourself

It’s truly amazing how bad most shyness advice is.

It mindlessly repeats the same 5 tips over and over. It is completely out of touch with how REAL shy people think. And it truly believes the world needs yet another dumb motivational saying like “fake it ’til you make it.”

Even the name “shyness advice” makes me want to burn all the self help books in the library.

I’ve spent the last few months creating the 2nd version of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System.

I wanted to update the system to make it even better. So it was with great reluctance that I began studying books and courses about how to overcome shyness again.

I have an extraordinarily careful process for studying advice: I buy every course, product, and book. I study them intensely, keeping notes and comparing them. I build techniques, models and frameworks, endlessly test them, and in some cases rip them up and start again.

By the time you ever see a course from me, it has been quietly inspected and tested by dozens of people.

And after all this research, what I found was seriously discouraging.

  • I found advice written by people who have never had shyness. (In fact, most self help writers or psychologists write books for the money and recognition, not because they actually know how to help people.) If they have never personally felt what it’s like to be nervous, shy or anxious in social situations, then how would THEY know which advice actually works?
  • I found advice that tried to be “motivational” — by using tired old phrases like “Just think about what’s the worst that can happen!” or telling you to “Imagine yourself being confident.”
  • I found university studies about shyness that were almost unreadable. They used long important-sounding words to explain simple and obvious ideas. I found myself wondering: Are professors really this dumb? The answer is no. But they don’t have a clue when it comes to shyness.

So here are 5 of the worst pieces of advice — THIS IS REAL SHYNESS ADVICE — that I found. Seriously, these are actual things that people wrote and were paid for.

I pulled these 5 pieces of hilariously bad shyness advice from my internal research vault.

Let’s start with…

1. Focusing On Other People


You’ll find almost every shyness article online endlessly repeating and echoing this tip.

It’s a piece of advice that sounds great on the surface … to people who have never had shyness. This is a great example of an article writer oversimplifying an issue because they don’t really understand it. They don’t understand how to cure shyness, so they just decided to summarize the tips they read in other articles.

Rehash. Repeat. Republish. Profit.

If overcoming shyness was as simple as telling someone to “focus more on other people,” then nobody would be shy. The advice is simply not SPECIFIC enough to be helpful to the average shy person. You’re basically left wondering HOW you’re supposed to actually do this.

The next tip you’ll find is…

2. Rehearse What To Say


If you want to sound like a robot, then this would be great advice.

But for everyone else out there, rehearsing what to say is a terrible thing to do because it completely ruins your ability to talk to people naturally and spontaneously.

Preparing what to say for a job interview or a speech is normal. Rehearsing daily conversations or phone calls because you are shy is ridiculous. It turns your life into a performance, and is that really how anyone should live?

Do normal people have to rehearse their daily conversations like an actor? No, they simply talk to people. And the reason why they can talk to people easily is because their inner psychology is free of anxiety, insecurity and inhibitions, not because they have memorized the perfect “lines.”

So you need to focus on getting your inner psychology right instead of rehearsing what to say. Of course, the person who wrote this article is probably now writing one called “12 Ways To Tie Your Shoes Quicker” and didn’t have time to figure this out.

The next tip is…

3. Ask More, Talk Less


Back when I had really bad shyness, I would barely speak up and people would always call me quiet. If someone had told me back then that I should “talk less,” then I’d probably think they were crazy.

Here’s the truth: Shy people need tips for how to talk MORE, not less.

So where does this bad advice come from?

About 50 years ago, there was an explosion in popularity of books that taught “people skills.” The advice in these books is mostly common sense: Be a good listener, don’t criticize people, remember their name, smile more often, and so on.

And although this advice might be useful to some people, it was never meant to help shy peopleThis type of advice should be given to the rude loudmouth everyone finds annoying. Or maybe to the greasy salesperson who wants to make more money by pretending to be polite.

Shy people don’t need these tips because they already speak up too little and care too much about whether somebody else likes them. You need advice that will make you speak up more around people. You need to learn how to be less nervous and awkward around people. You need to learn how to build confidence and courage to get that social life, girlfriend or boyfriend you want.

What you DON’T NEED is “people skills advice” meant for people who don’t have shyness.

Now here’s another one…

4. Affirmations


This is advice straight from self-help hell.

I don’t know who invented affirmations, but I think some dude just woke up one day and thought it “sounded like a good idea.”

In case you don’t know, affirmations are basically positive statements that you repeat to yourself like “I am confident and happy.” Literally hundreds of self help books have repeatedly recommended using this technique for overcoming shyness or low self esteem… without any scientific proof that it actually works!

In fact, every scientific study recently done on affirmations has consistently shown that they don’t work, and can even make you feel worse!

Here’s a quote from one of these studies. (Pay special attention to the parts I’ve bolded.)

Canadian researcher, Dr. Joanne Wood at the University of Waterloo and her colleagues at the University of New Brunswick who have recently published their research in the Journal of Psychological Science, concluded “repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as individuals with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most.”

The researchers asked people with low self-esteem to say “I am a lovable person.” They then measured the participants’ moods and their feelings about themselves. The low-esteem group felt worse afterwards compared with others who did not. However, people with high self-esteem felt better after repeating the positive affirmation–but only slightly.

Psychology Today

5. Just Do It!


The author of this article talks about introducing yourself to random strangers as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

Imagine if I told you “Go buy some groceries, wash your car, and — oh, by the way — just walk up to someone randomly and have a conversation with them.”

I can just imagine your reaction.

“Wait … you want me to do WHAT!?!!”

And while all the shy people reading that article were still shaking their heads in disbelief, the author smugly adds “And you may never see them again, so who cares what they think of you?”

Just like other shyness advice that sounds logical but doesn’t work, asking yourself questions like “Who cares what they think?” or “What’s the worst that can happen?” does NOTHING for making you feel less shy, nervous or anxious in social situations.

Why Is This Shyness Advice So Bad?

That seriously passes for shyness advice — in SOME OF THE LARGEST WEBSITES IN THE WORLD.

Are you kidding me?

Is anyone else outraged?

I’ll tell you why I’m mad.

  • I’m mad because this terrible advice is written NOT to help people, but to drive pageviews on their websites. If these writers helps literally zero people, it doesn’t matter — they still get paid.
  • I’m mad because the shyness advice we get is unspecific at best, and blatantly wrong at worst.
  • I’m mad because I realized 90%+ of the books and articles I read had never tested their theories with real people.

So what happens?

Most of us simply accept our position in life and stop trying to achieve the friends, confidence or romance that would truly make us happy. We don’t realize that what we really need is science-based advice for overcoming shyness that was tested to make sure it works IN REAL LIFE.

I’m focused on results. Like how one of my students got a girlfriend within weeks of starting my Shyness and Social Anxiety System 2 … even before he finished listening to the whole program.

So, ignore the terrible advice out there written by random article writers. There is hope. There is a SYSTEMATIC way of overcoming your shyness, clear steps to follow for having interesting conversations, and a method for staying confident even around people you find intimidating or attractive. I’ve done it, I’ve helped MANY people do it, and I want to show you how.


Leave a comment with the following:

  1. What is the most ridiculous piece of shyness advice you’ve ever heard? Be specific please.
  2. How has bad shyness advice kept you from achieving your goals? A SPECIFIC EXAMPLE PLEASE.

About the author

Sean Cooper

I study all areas of psychology, sharing what works (and what doesn't) for overcoming shyness and social anxiety. After curing my own severe social anxiety I created "The Shyness and Social Anxiety System" to help others. This program has received stunning reviews from psychologists and people like you.

Now it's my life's mission is to help 25,000 people get the confidence, friends and romantic partner you want!

Read more about me here.


  • the worst shyness advise ive heard was: ‘ you dont have to be shy, you have so much that you can give people’. Right as if shyness is a choice!
    I never follow shyness advice, because i cannot see myself talking to random strangers or give input into a conversation. I cannot force myself to not be shy.

    • 1. Geez – that’s tough. Probably things along the lines of “why do you hide? Put yourself out there!” Coupled with things like “try dating and who cares if it doesn’t work out.” Actually I really do care! Why should I put myself out there for something that literally isn’t going to work? I consider it a waste of time if I’m not even serious about the date and feel bad for messing the guy around as well.

      2. My family considers me contrary literally because whenever they give me advice, I often do the exact opposite. I’ve spent most of my teenage and adult life jumping into the ‘deep end’ as it were of all sorts of situations. It created this impression in me that I was brave and happy-go-lucky because I’d try most anything once and I was proud of the fact that I was like that. However, I’ve jumped into a lot of situations unprepared as a result and have often embarrassed myself and ended up feeling humiliated.

      A specific example would be when I was 19 almost everyone I knew had ‘done the deed’ and just got it over with so that they were no longer virgins. I decided to just be brave and do it too. Of course I found out that doing the deed is painful and we didn’t so much do it as I simply lost my virginity and laid there in the swag feeling like an idiot and ashamed that I had just given into lust like that instead of holding onto my self respect and waiting for the right guy or at least one that I really liked after knowing for awhile instead of someone I’d just met. I collected my drunk friend and drove an hour back to the city at 3:00am in the morning. I swore off guys until I was done with uni.

      4 years went by and by that stage, I was 30 kilos overweight because I spent most of uni hiding in my room watching movies and eating junk. I then told myself there was no point getting a boyfriend until I lost at least 15 kilos and in the 4 years since, I have only done that the once before putting it all back on. My brother in law, sister and I went out in the city one night and he got a guy to come join our table. He was so good looking and I really liked him but I knew he just wanted to hook up because it was New Years Eve. I made 3 mistakes that night: I gave him my number and didn’t get his as well, I didn’t prolong the date and turn it into anything fun and finally I was too shy to kiss him properly. I just kissed him on the cheek and my sister basically told me I was an idiot even though I already felt like one after waiting in vain for 4 days hoping he would call.

      Now I am 30 kilos overweight and the older I’ve got, the more the pool of available, good looking country guys has dwindled. My shyness (particularly in relation to dating guys) has become a lot worse but most people don’t see that because I’ve also become a ‘good performer’. A lot of people think I am extroverted and outspoken when they first meet me. Fake it until you make it, right? Around my family however (mainly my siblings) I virtually can’t even find the words to talk. I’m the plump sibling who has never had a boyfriend and only hooked up once. As I have become older I compare myself constantly – especially to my sister who is slim, funny and outgoing plus able to sing, make amazing cakes and talk her way into any job because she’s so determined.

      I have a lot of people tell me all the time how talented, kind, etc. they think I am and they can’t understand why I am single. Despite these compliments, I simply just don’t believe them because my self worth is next to nothing. I am a person who has let their shyness evolve into a monster all of its own and I have come to hate a lot of parts of myself where once I was so proud of the fact that I was an independent and unique individual who didn’t need anyone’s help.

      To summarise – ‘be brave, put yourself out there’ has not done anything for me because I just don’t feel ready to put myself out there when I am this plump thing with pasty legs and a shitty complexion who has zero dating experience.

  • Hi Sean,
    Thanks for the post, it’s good to know that I’m not the only one who gets pissed off by such “advices.

    1. Advices that were supposed to help in approaching girls
    I’m gonna use few examples: “Just approach random girl on the street and start speaking to her, it doesn’t matter what you’ll say just be confident”, “Approach at least 10 girls a day, that will build your confidence, just start doing so” etc. And of course the most helpful one – “Don’t be shy” (

    2. Reading advices like abovementioned almost always made me feel miserable. I was thinking that I’m useless and hopeless because I wasn’t able to follow these tips.
    These advices were lowering my self-esteem in a big way.

    So that’s it.

    Best Regards

    • Hey Matt,

      Thanks for the comment. A lot of the dating advice out there is really designed for guys who don’t struggle with issues like shyness or social anxiety. So they assume that with practice and a few basic pointers, you can just start approaching women.

      Obviously someone with shyness needs different advice than “most guys.” I’m thinking of creating a course later this year specifically designed to help shy guys become comfortable around girls and get a girlfriend. Stay tuned!

      – Sean

      • Actually, you can, but the advice is useless anyway, because you have no clue how.

        I used to look at it exactly as you. It was as if healthy person was telling a disabled person in a wheelchair to “just force themselves to walk”. Nonsense!

        Now I look at it as if a person who swims since infancy was looking at drawning person and telling them to “just swim”, not understanding that they don’t know how to do it. This analogy may seam very similar to the previous one, but there is one crucial difference – you can learn how to swim. I do understand now that I can, I want and I will learn how to overcome my problems.

        People giving me bad advice may not understand what’s going on, but they are not telling me to do the impossible.

      • Actually, everyone has experienced shyness. So I think what’s happening is these normally confident people have a moment of shyness and suddenly think they’ve been inside the head of a chronically shy person. And the advice spreads because everyone who doesn’t struggle with it is like “Omg!! This is exactly what I’ve needed and what all of my shy friends must need.” Like you said; it SOUNDS good.

    • Yeah, honestly, I think many girls would take having random guys approach them as a threat or at least suspicious. But I guess everyone’s different, maybe there are girls that are perfectly comfortable with it.

      I think it’d be better if you had a reasonable excuse to talk to them, like if you’re asking a colleague how their day was or your saying hi to a check out lady at a store or if you have something in common with them or asking for help with something.

      Though, I think if you focus on your interests, your self-esteem will get better, and you’d find your kith. I’ve found that focusing on what interests me helps build my sense of identity outside people, I sometimes find volunteer opportunities where I could be around people of similar interests, and it may be easier to find people with similar life goals as you if you know yourself better. I know, with me personally, social awkwardness is excusable in guys (and in people in general) if they seem true to themselves. Would you still have trouble socially still, sure, but you may find better quality people than quantity.

    • That was what I unknowingly did for decades, and its no way to live! I decided on my own to do it. If anyone had advised me I would not have been able to even do it.

      Being shy, I refused to take any advice from someone who hadn’t felt the paralyzing fear.

  • Im Stuurman from South Africa i have a problem wth shyness, so i realy like what i read here i knw its gonna help me, so thanks alot for your information its powerfull and true unlike the shyness advide out there i really want the book of yours but i dnt knw how, coz i live in rural araes in South Africa.

  • The worst peice of “shyness” advice I’ve ever heard is one that you have listed, which is to “just do it”. Another variation of this that I tend to hear a lot is “just get over it”.
    This is a peice of advice that I hear a lot and see on most websites. It suggest that it’s really that easy to just get out there and “do it”. It frustrates me when people say this because they don’t know what it’s like to be shy and don’t seem to realize that it is not that easy. If it was that simple, I would have done it a long time ago.

    Bad shyness advice has kept me from reaching my goals (ex. Doing well with a presentation/public speaking) because I attempt to follow the advice and when it doesn’t work, it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I feel bad about the fact that I couldn’t follow a few “simple” steps. But what I’ve realized is that the advice wasn’t realistic or helpful to begin with.

    • Thanks for the comment Jenn.

      I agree with you — the worst shyness advice really has to be the “motivational” type. Hope this article put things into perspective.


    • How it has stopped me from reaching my goal is :

      – The problem IS with the way I am and I want to CHANGE that !
      – I have been myself for all my life and it took me nowhere. Why should I continue to be like that when it is ruining my life !
      – This advice makes sense for those who are confident. But someone who has failed so many times you are asking me to keep failing like this again and again without learning anything or trying anything new !

  • Here is the worst advice for shy peopleI have ever heard in my life.
    If you are shy, be around confident people. It will force the shyness out of you and replace iy with confidence. Clearly, the person who said this doesn’t have a clue about shyness.
    Would a sheep like to be amidst lions?

    When I was In high school I had the opportunity to do a weekend job that woulf easily get me around $700
    It was a private delivery service for a supermarket. Normally all the people that get deliveries from this place are lawyers , doctors in other words busy people. And they ALWAYS give a large tip never less then $70.00. This supermarket had around 25 – 30 houses on the weekend list. And that’s just the tips. The guy offering me the job was willing to give me a 100

  • Here is the worst advice for shy peopleI have ever heard in my life.
    If you are shy, be around confident people. It will force the shyness out of you and replace iy with confidence. Clearly, the person who said this doesn’t have a clue about shyness.
    Would a sheep like to be amidst lions?

    When I was In high school I had the opportunity to do a weekend job that woulf easily get me around $700
    It was a private delivery service for a supermarket. Normally all the people that get deliveries from this place are lawyers , doctors in other words busy people. And they ALWAYS give a large tip never less then $70.00. This supermarket had around 25 – 30 houses on the weekend list. And that’s just the tips. The guy offering me the job was willing to give me a $100 for both days making it $200 + tips. This person was from my country so he was trying to help me get a job. He even wanted me to go out with his sister! But little did he kno about my problems of shyness and anxiety. The job seemed hard enough let alone goung out with his sister! He wasn’t happy with who she was seeing. Like I even hsd a chance woth her Lol. I would hate to go house by house to deliver groceries. Having to maintain eye contact and being forced to talk to people. And to have a girlfriend on top of that (the guys sister was dang hot!). I just passed. Told him I would think about it. I kept him off for a few weeks. He eventually gave up on me. I could’ve taken this job and used the extra money. Just because I was shy I couldn’t. That was the only darn reason I swear. Little do people know that shyness can hamper you from a lot of things in life. From success to love. How I hate it.
    P.s I think I must have clicked on the submit button before the comment was completed so you might be getting two of the same comments. One is nkt completed. Sorry!!

    • Hey Tayib,

      Sorry to hear about that! Seems like that could have been a great opportunity. Better luck in the future.


  • 1. Face your fear
    2. I have read a lot about it from internet and even bought a book on how to face the fear.

    Until i realise that i have been facing my fears for all these years and it is still not working.

    It also says about facing the same fear regularly will reduce your fear and it don’t work as well!

    I remembered during my school days i have to do group presentation almost everyday for 3 years. I got so nervous and i end up just reading from slides.

    Now i am working adult and i still facing the same problem. I have attended job interviews, meetings and make phonecalls but still feel nervous such as my heart will beat v fast, my hand will tremor, my face turn pale, i keep memorizing and recalling of what to say and end up lost of word. 🙁

    I found out that the above advise is abit ridiculous because everyone are facing their fears in their everyday life. They need to come out with a better advise.

  • 1. Face your fear
    2. I have read a lot about it from internet and even bought a book on how to face the fear.

    Until i realise that i have been facing my fears for all these years and it is still not working.

    It also says about facing the same fear regularly will reduce your fear and it don’t work as well!

    I remembered during my school days i have to do group presentation almost everyday for 3 years. I got so nervous and i end up just reading from slides.

    Now i am working adult and i still facing the same problem. I have attended job interviews, meetings and make phonecalls but still feel nervous such as my heart will beat v fast, my hand will tremor, my face turn pale, keep memorizing and recalling of what to say and end up lost of word. 🙁

    I found out that the above advise is abit ridiculous because everyone are facing their fears in their everyday life. They need to come out with a better advise.

  • 1. I used to really struggle with selective mutism. It wasn’t until I was 12 years old that I started talking in school. But a year or so before that happened, I was supposed to give an oral presentation in class. I didn’t want anyone to know I had an actual problem with speaking so I went up to the front of the class with every intention to speak. But I got up there and I couldn’t do it. It was the most embarrassing situation in my life. My teacher let me sit down when I was just short of crying. But I was more afraid of how my dad was going to react to me not talking again. He was clearly frustrated and upset. He sternly asked me when I was going to start talking and reminded me of how I said that day would be today, but then I didn’t do it. He said, “I don’t know how you’re going to get through this, but you HAVE to start talking. You’re going to give your presentation just like everyone else in the class did.” I understand his frustration, but he’s not the one who actually feels the anxiety. I don’t think he ever realized that not only did I feel the same anger and frustration with myself that he felt, but I also felt the fear and anxiety. But if I knew what to do to get over my anxiety, wouldn’t he realize that I would do it and be done with the problem? If he can’t figure out a solution, how would I? I don’t talk about anxiety with either one of my parents anymore. I already know who they’d react and what they’d say. And back then, I didn’t even know the full extent of my problem. I always thought I was just shy. I had never even heard of social anxiety disorder or selective mutism. I went through a very mentally painful experience because the goal was just to talk to people. It wasn’t to overcome the anxiety. So now I talk to people, but anxiety still rules me. However, the first edition of your system was the first thing that I could actually relate to and it really helped me more than anything else ever did. And although I still have a long way to go, I’m much better.

    2. I was going to a counselor at my school for social anxiety. It was about my 6th session with the counselor and she told me go to the professors who didn’t know that I’m actually struggling with anxiety and tell them. I guess that is good advice and I want to be able to do that someday, but she wanted me to do it and tell her about it at our next session. I know that it won’t ever be something that is easy so I figured better sooner than later and just get it over with. So I had every intention of admitting my struggles to the professors I hadn’t talked to about it yet. But the thing is, I hadn’t told some professors yet because there’s something about their personality that intimidates me. Or I feel that I already know what they are going to say. I told one professor and he thanked me for opening up about it, but then proceeded to say that I really need to just work through it because it would really hinder me in the work force, more so than it does at school. Well, thanks for the helpful advice. Not. I didn’t realize that already. So it seemed useless to tell any other professor. It just seemed like it was causing me unnecessary stress and anxiety. So I put it off and was planning to tell the rest of my professors right before my next counseling session. But I just didn’t feel the strength or confidence to do it. I know that my counselor wouldn’t have gotten mad or frustrated at me for not doing it, like my parents would. But at the same time, it still felt like I was letting her down by not doing what I said I would do. I didn’t want to admit that I still felt too intimidated to talk. I’ve been struggling with social anxiety and speaking for a long time and I still feel pretty pathetic knowing that I’m still struggling so much. So I canceled my counseling appointment for that week to give myself another week to get braver and talk to my professors. I still couldn’t do it. So I canceled my appointment indefinitely, saying that I would reschedule some other time. I haven’t been back.

    • Hey Lauren,

      Thanks for sharing your story. I can definitely relate to parts of it…

      When I was going to school, I absolutely hated doing speeches and presentations. The only reason I did them was because I was MORE afraid of making my parents angry if I brought home an F.

      So every speech I was up there in front of everyone — trembling, shaking and sweating! Talking so quietly the teachers would always ask me to speak up. It was a humiliating experience for sure.

      It’s tough when other people don’t realize that something that’s easy and normal for them can be so difficult and uncomfortable for you.

      Best of luck in the future at school,

      – Sean

  • The most stupid advice for me is to simply get rid or stop negative thoughts. This was even told by my own counselor. I tried it one time. It gave me some relief but soon the thoughts kept coming back and were worse.

  • Worst advice? Be vulnerable and open up to someone you’d wanna be friends with. I got lucky when I tried this but I would never advise this. It creates an unnatural friendship, probably a little discomfort for the other person as they may want to help but really don’t have any idea what you’re going through etc. After the initial tell all, you are right back where you started. And now it just feels awkward every time you see them.

    I actually took this bad advice from a therapist and tried it with one person I really liked and wanted to be like cause he was self assured, confident, playful, and very friendly. He just seemed like someone you could share anything with if you were friends cause he’s not judgmental and treated me like a best friend and tried to get me to talk and stuff.

    Not only was it incredibly hard to just ask if he could help cause I was struggling, it was way more difficult when we started going to lunch. First I tried to explain what was wrong and how I wanted to be like him. Well we kept the lunch thing going but but i didn’t just want to whine about myself every time. So then lunches run into awkward silence, got nothing in common, etc.

    But like I said, I lucked out with this guy. We do see each other at work every night and any awkward moments seem to be eventually forgotten. Also like I said he’s very social and confident and will treat and talk to ya like your best friends. So he was able to over come any awkwardness and kept talking to me when he had the chance. We kept going out to lunch, and recently he showed me his house and stuff. He’s also helping me lift my jeep, getting everything for that, we took a two hour ride together to get the lift, never ran out of stuff to say and it’s been good. But this took over 6 months to get this comfortable, and has more to do with just the type of person he is over anything I’m doing. I still don’t feel like I’m clicking that great but I wish I could. Friendship feels awkward at times cause I still have a hard time talkin or finding things to say. And all this has not helped out with making other friends since the only reason we are now was cause I asked if he could help and I wanna learn to be more like him. I’m not gonna tell everyone this to make another though my therapist did suggest it. Once was torture enough and trying it again this way is just starting to sound manipulative.

    So yeah that was the worst advice I’ve received. While I lucked out with this guy, not many are like him, and it has helped as far as depression and stuff, I would NEVER advise this to anyone. It doesn’t cure social anxiety. If you already have a good friend, then yes opening up is a good idea. If you don’t, don’t force a friendship by asking for help from a general acquaintance and over share. While I did end up making a friend, I really don’t see this working out usually and honestly looking at it now feels manipulative. What are they gonna say ? No I won’t help?

    2. Bad shyness has kept me from making friends and connections. At this point in life that’s all I want. All my dreams kind of went out the window. Now it’s about just doing stuff I want to do, like 4x4ing, surfing, skydiving, scuba diving, performance driving etc etc. I don’t do them because I don’t have anybody to do them with cause I feel so anxious or awkward. I did push myself hard to do some of them like I tried skydiving. I figured if I could do something I really wanted to do , I could make friends there. Well nope… By the 4th jump, it was boring and I felt too uncomfortable to come back alone again. I felt like the biggest loser and just couldn’t click or know what to say to the people there. Anxiety would go through the roof cause skydivers seem to have very wild personalities. I took a trip to the beach my self and wanted to learn to surf but same stuff happens. Never got my motorcycle license either for same reasons. Got myself to take the class but just felt so out of place that doing the motorcycle exercises, I just couldn’t focus on riding and got so nervous with everyone around, I failed hard and got booted from the class which was a terribly embarrassing experience.

    • Hey Christopher,

      Usually the way friendships develop is that people slowly open up over time. Opening yourself up and being vulnerable too quickly can definitely make the other person feel uncomfortable.

      And in my experience friendships between guys are often not that deep. Girls are generally better at connecting with each other deeply.

      It’s great that you got lucky and make a close friend though!


  • The worst advice I ever got was to stop being shy, just see people as “normal people” and you’ll get over it don’t worry. What the fuck is this, mess?! I don’t think that I can just ‘get over it and miraculously stop being shy!!!! Ugh. And also to sere people like how you would see yourself. Well shit I see myself in such a, negative skewered way so how the hell can I see people in a realistic positive way??? That frustrates me so damn much.

  • 1. Worst advice ever received was, “You’ll grow out of it.”

    2. This piece of bad advice came from my mother whom I love. I can recall the conversation freshman year in high school. And better yet, I can recall the incidence, and I can still feel the physical symptoms that accompanied it. “Why do I feel so uncomfortable around people, even my friends?” If only my question had been answered more accurately. I may be a more well-adjusted person today.

  • Hey Sean,

    The worst shyness advice I’ve seen is to get involved with people that are confident and outgoing. How do you get involved with them, exactly? Why would they hang out with you if you’re shy and you don’t know what to say?

    This has kept me from making new friends because this advice is never specific and it never explains how to do it. I really hate how the people who come up with this advice have never experienced shyness and they just do it for the money and recognition. If it was that easy, no one would be shy.

  • Why wold I want to give up shyness. I worked a long time to develop this positive trait and now people want me to give it up? Why do I need advice? And everyone experiences shyness at one time or another. Why is it treated as a negative thing or as a fault? How stupid.

  • Consider this to be a cautionary story from a 64 year old. Social Anxiety Disorder showed itself when I was in Kindergarten during the 1950’s. I was sent to the school psychologist as well as a speech therapist during elementary school with no results. Social Anxiety Disorder was not a recognized condition at the time. High school was a horror show but I managed to graduate, barely. My parents always wondered why I spent so much time “hibernating” in my room. As a teenager and adult I was not able to sit in a fast food restaurant and always ate in my car. I had panic attacks in shopping malls and did not go very often. Luckily I have some artistic skills and found work as a stained glass artist and photographer. I was able to go from job to job based on recommendations and have never formally had a job interview. I did well at work because work meetings were always structured and a specific topic was discussed.

    Up until 50 years old I knew something was wrong with me but did not know what it was. I was different from many other people and wondered why I couldn’t socialize. At age 50 I took part in a Social Anxiety study that investigated Paxil to relieve the symptoms. Having a name to my pain helped. I joined Toastmasters International and got comfortable speaking in front of audiences. Again, as with work, this was a structured environment. I was giving a speech, not having a social conversation. I met hundreds of Toastmasters but never socialized with any of them outside of Toastmasters. Last year I titrated off the Paxil and started taking improve comedy classes. The people in the class were great and very supportive.

    It was about this time that I purchased Sean’s Shyness and Social Anxiety Program. It helped a lot. Sean described what I went through very accurately. His section on how to have a conversation was the best part. The improv class started having practice sessions at a members home. At age 63, for the first time in my life, I went to someone’s house to meet socially with a group of people. Sean’s advice on how to converse worked great!

    I have been married for almost 40 years. My wife is also a social phobic and we have never had guest over to our house, even once. Throwing a party is out of the question. Four years ago I was laid off from my job as a photographer. Applying for and finding a new job was far too stressful due to having to interview. I survived to age 64 1/2 and started collecting Social Security. After 50 years as a full blown social phobic I have decided to accept who I am as well as my condition. I have cut all social contacts and now live as I did for the first 50 years pursuing my personal interest without much contact with outside people. I am comfortable and content because I finally found out what I have and was able to spend some time in the outside “social” world. The downside is that I was never successful income wise and am now living on social security and a small 401k.

    If you are younger please do not wind up like me. Buy Sean’s course and apply what he teaches. I wish his course existed when I was in my 20’s. Your social contacts will approve and probably your income. Especially with social networking it is not what you know, it is who you know. I believe, as Sean does, that Social Anxiety can be overcome. The younger you start to overcome it the better. In my case I had 50 years of conditioning to overcome. Thank you Sean, it is a great comfort that someone else experienced the same symptoms as me, overcame them and created a product to help other people.

    • Hey John,

      Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sure your advice will be very useful to a lot of the young people who come visit my website.

      It’s true that the earlier you start, the easier it is to overcome social anxiety. That’s not too say that it’s impossible after 50 — just gets harder.

      Wishing you a happy and comfortable life.


  • 1. I went to a psychiatrist to get help with my fear of public speaking because I had a speech class in college that I was freaking out over. The only advice he gave me was “some people are extroverts and some people are introverts and that’s ok.” He also told me to not fight the feelings of panic and to just go with it. When I came back for my second session and told him I’m still freaking out over having to give a speech he just gave me a xanex to take before the speech.

    2. Bad shyness advice has stopped me from achieving my goals by wasting my time trying to use tips and techniques that simply do not work. I could have been putting into practice good advice and accomplishing goals in my life that shyness has kept from me.

  • I don’t get many bad advices because not many people know I’m shy.

    Worst advices?
    1- I once told my mom that I was afraid to go and deposit her money into her bank account.
    Her reply was:
    “oh son, don’t be shy 🙂 you’re still young and no one cares about you!!”
    Oh really? Thanks mom, you saved my life! I’m 17 btw.
    She’s not dumb, but just ignorant to the matter.

    2- “You will grow out of it” ~ said my weird neighbor who barely goes out of home.

    some GOOD advices I found on this site which helped me very much!
    – Eye Contact:
    I used not to look on people’s eyes when I’m talking to them, I don’t remember where i used to look LOL, I didn’t think it was a problem and I didn’t realise that.
    Until a girl sitting next to me in class mentioned that I’m shy. She told me loudly “I bet you to look in my eyes”.
    I did, but I could’nt handle more than 3 seconds, I was very embarassed. I went to google and searched for eye contact and stuff, and that’s how I found this site and learned the tips.

    Now it’s normal thing for me.

    – Breathing Techniques:
    This is maybe the best advice, It helped me very much. It helps me relax when I’m anxious and relieves the stress.
    I’m still practicing it and I’m getting better at it.

    – The opposite Of nervousness is not confidence, but relaxation.

    Thanks Sean for this site!

    • Thanks for sharing your experiences! Eye contact was definitely one of the “first steps” I took in overcoming my own social anxiety. I’m glad to hear the information on my website is helping you.


  • Hi Sean,

    This was a really well-written article & I tend to agree with most of your points.

    Coming to the most ridiculous shyness advice, I read somewhere online that the best way to overcome shyness is to accept your shyness and start telling people that you are shy. This way people will understand your problems & they will treat you in a much better way. And consequently, you will overcome your fears.

    I think this is the worst advice ever. By admitting your shyness, you are not only telling the world but you are also telling yourself that you are weak and that’s the person who really counts. This leads to nothing but only demoralising yourself.

    This is what I think. What’s your take on this, Sean ????

    • Hey Jeetendra,

      Thanks for your comment. Sure, I agree that going around and telling everyone you are shy probably won’t do much.

      BUT … often opening up to one person and telling them about your issues can actually help a lot. It can make you realize that there’s nothing truly wrong or shameful about you, and that people can like you just for you.

      The problem with issues like anxiety, depression or shyness is that there’s actually two layers to them. The first layer is the actual uncomfortable feelings you get – feeling nervous or awkward. The second layer is shame around these bad feelings. In other words, you might not want other people to find out about how you feel inside because you’re ashamed of it, so you try to hide it.

      And the worst part is, modern psychology has found that trying to hide or supress bad feelings actually makes them come up EVEN MORE!

      So a big step in overcoming issues like shyness, anxiety or depression is getting rid of the second layer first. Not feeling ashamed of these problems and not trying to hide them.

      It’s not the complete answer, but it’s a big step in the right direction. Does this mean that you should go around telling people that you have shyness? Not really. But it can be helpful to find a “safe person” you can share your issues with. This is often the real reason why a therapist is helpful to people — they get them to open up and, by doing so, are able to dissolve a person’s shame.

      Hope this makes things clear,

  • My therapist told me that I need to “just get out and meet people” and my psychiatrist said that I was really sweet and funny but I just don’t connect with people so I need to start doing that. What does that even mean? If the “professionals” are giving such bad or generic advice, it’s no wonder we feel so hopeless and bad about ourselves!!!

  • hi , I find this worst shyness advice really bad. I’ve read from somewhere that in order to avoid shyness we should always try to please people by agreeing to their ideas, that way they will agree with you too, isn’t that such a waste of time. I totally agree with you ‘ There is hope. There is a way of overcoming your shyness, staying confident even around people you find intimidating or attractive”. Thanks for a very enlightening post.

  • My therapist told me one day i should just stop being shy. He basicaly said: Well dude, you just gotta face life, stop living in your own little shell and face the world, or i cannot help you. And that was the last time i saw him.

    And one time, my friends signed me up for this theatre camp 1200 miles from where live, all alone so i would learn to socialize. They said i should stop being a pussy and just go to the first person and tell them how you feel and stuff like that.
    It felt really really good to have friends care that much about me so i did what they asked(even though it was miles out of my comfort zone) and the first girl i talked to at the camp seemed really nice. We talked for an hour or so and i shared a couple of personal stories/feelings and showed my vurnerable side a bit which felt really great.
    But she saw it as an oppurtunity to ridicule me about the things that i told her in front of our entire group, as a result the entire group started making fun of me and I completely backed away into my shell, noone even tried to communicate with me that week and it was probably the worse week of my entire life.

  • hi Sean i love your site. i agree with most of the things you wrote in the post. One advice i hate “Just stop being shy” i hate that!. Anyway, some of things that you said is the worst shyness advice in the world though has really helped me alot. I didn’t read the advice somewhere i came up with them on my own when i was trying to overcome. I was ridiculously shy to the point where i would not speak for days. In the beginning i did these things and they helped (not to overcome shyness) to get out the gate. The rehearsal for example. I don’t agree with rehearsing conversations etc. I did that and it was a disaster! lol because when you forget you don’t know what to do next. What helped me though was rehearsing a conversations and situations. Therefore i would not be saying the same thing when i rehearse as conversations don’t work that way. you don’t know beforehand how you will need to respond. For something like a interview i would rehearse what i would say to questions i think i may be asked. Again not word for word. I was not accustomed to speaking so rehearsing helping me alot. Some people can’t just start speaking the next day after being shy for twenty years. The Affirmations helped me alot as well.Yup i did it in the mirror too. As i said before i did this on my own after trial and error. It just sort of happened naturally before i left the house. I am sure others both shy and unshy do this without realizing it as well. It did not make me stop being shy but it was one thing that gave me confidence to do what i needed to do. Other things i did were making sure i looked the best that i could. The third one i did was “Just do it” i did that! lol Now i do not agree with the talking to strangers thing that’s weird. I also don’t think that will help you at all. You have enough people to speak to in your daily life without having to do that! I did have to throw myself out there, force myself to do things though i was terrified or i would have never tried.
    I think it is important to look at people with personal experience and not as you say the sites that are pushing for page views. What works for one make not work for another.

  • Still esceptical about all this, well, I found this article to be true for me, I´ve recieved lot´s of advices and tried to overcome social anxiety on my own and by asking advice. I have recieved almost all of this advices and none have worked for me. I think this article is very helpful to help me understand that most people don´t understand social anxiety or shyness. I say ir by my experience. I am going to keep reading more about this website, but I´m still a little bit esceptical about all this.

    Sean If you could reply to my comment, that would give me a relieve on my escepticism. Pleas respond!

  • sean. wat u said above,i feel it right becoz wen we use these advises given by others we doesn’t get much results and somehow we don’t get a result also sometimes, and makes us feel more worse tat even if somebody helps us by giving advise we couldn’t make it, so we think low about ourselves. my fear is i think tat wat the unique perception and wat ideas that are expressed by so called people who have doesn’t experienced is right, and i think i want to match up their ideas , who have no shyness . i don’t know i am right or wrong, but i have been thong like this for some years. and i am almost convinced. can u help me ? by replying or even showing the true colours of this evil thought in my mind which restricts me from my natural behaviour by showing articles based on my problem? bye sean.

    • sean. wat u said above,i feel it right becoz wen we use these advises given by others we doesn’t get much results and somehow we don’t get a result also sometimes, and makes us feel more worse tat even if somebody helps us by giving advise we couldn’t make it, so we think low about ourselves. my fear is i think tat wat the unique perception and wat ideas that are expressed by so called people who have doesn’t experienced shyness is right, and i think i want to match up their ideas , who have no shyness . i don’t know if i am right or wrong by doing this, but i have been thinking like this for some years. and i am almost convinced. can u help me ? by replying or even showing the true colors of this evil thought in my mind which restricts me from my natural behaviour by showing articles based on my problem? bye sean.

  • I am in group therapy, and it has helped me a great deal to feel more comfortable in my own skin and therefore around other people. When I bring up social anxiety, or situations surrounding it, the leader, and some of the members, will say, act as if. There’s not many situations where I can successfully do that. Maybe brushing my teeth. I purchased the step by step guide to overcoming social anxiety but haven’t done much with it.
    I have few friends and my husband also suffers from social anxiety so we don’t have people over either, nor do we go out much.
    I would like to do more work on it but I won’t do it on my own.
    I’ve read some good stuff on this site and hope to explore it more.
    I turned 60 this year but I’m not ready to give up. I hope to teach this old dog some new tricks. Thank you Sean.

  • l used to fantasize about most girls l saw yet l Was shy and my friend gave me advise talk to girls if u dont wanna become gay

  • Hi Sean,
    I overcame social anxiety years ago and am now doing research on the subject. While I find most of the things I read from you so far very interesting, I think this article is a bit misleading, especially the part about affirmations.
    They probably don’t work if you use them in a too simplified way but they helped me GREATLY, not only to battle SA but also in many other areas in life. I was definitely not part of the self-confident people and know other people who felt positive effects of affirmations.

    I think it would be a shame if your article detered people from trying affirmations at all but I do think it’s very important that they are used in the right way and in the right context, not just repeating them automatically without relaxing and really devoting some time and focus to it, as well as understanding why they are important and what they do to our brain and body.

    Focusing on other people also helped me a little bit but I think that’s more relevant for SA than shyness; I was having panic attacks so trying to focus on conversation did help a bit. Shyness is different though, and I can’t see how it would help either.

  • Hi Sean,

    I’m so happy to have found your site. It’s the first time, that I feel really understood. I have social anxiety, but not so bad anymore as in my youth (I’m 40 now), but still I never know what to say to people. In my life there have been maybe 5-6 people, to whom I just could talk spontaneously, and that were always people, who were very outgoing, extroverts themselves. If I’m at a meeting, where we talk about a specific theme, that’s never a problem. Also I don’t mind being in a group of people, because then I don’t have to talk. But being just with 1 person, for lunch or so… that’s very hard!

    1. Worst advice: You would always know what to say, if you were interested in the other person. You’re just not interested enough!

    2. This advice just lead to feeling even more like a loser.

    Yeah, I don’t think anyone who doesn’t have this problem can understand it.

  • Hi. I found your website through a friend and I’m glad I did.
    It is true, there are not so many good advises on shyness out there. The worst advise I got was to just do it, make the presentation, have faith in yourself.
    The problem is not that I cannot do it and have a presentation in front of a large group but if something happens and I am stuck and won’t able to say anything at all due to my anxiety, how am I going to get over this embarrassment? It is a self-image problem here, our worth is in the way we deliver and behave with others, not in our personality.
    I am a people pleaser so it’s natural for me to be pleasant to others and deliver things well. My solution for this problem is to try and become comfortable with being uncomfortable, embarrassed. Also, letting go of people pleasing can help shyness.

  • Thanks for all your blogs. I just watched your “weird technique” video – great job!

    I think the worst advice I got was from my parents: “What’s wrong with you?” – over and over.

    After awhile I assumed there *was* something wrong with me. Who wants to be around someone with “something wrong”? With this thought running in the background of my mind, how was
    I supposed to function? I knew what *not* to, but not what I *should* do.

    I was/am considered very intelligent and somewhat gifted. I got through college by winning scholarships – but never had a date in either high school or college. Sad, but true. I just couldn’t
    get myself to even start a conversation with a girl. Inside I was crying.

    In my mid-twenties I took a job in Saudi Arabia – terrible choice. I felt nothing was available
    in San Francisco. What a depressing period of my life.

    In general I had terrible job interviews. The jobs I did get were from high praise of my former employers and co-workers. I work in high tech and was extremely good with complicated software. I usually left a company after 2-3 years because I felt that people had discovered that “something wrong” in me. I just couldn’t stand that feeling of what people thought of me.

    I did read many self-help books and agree with you completely: people who write these books have never experienced this problem because they don’t have it.

    I’ve lived my entire life this way. I feel like my potential has been still-born just because I can’t seem to relate to people. I’ve really missed a lot because I can’t seem to make close friends or open up to someone. I have a few superficial friends but no one I can “talk” to on a deeper level.

    Sean, I applaud you and have enjoyed your blogs. Your courses are something I wish would reach more people.

    You are doing great work!

    Please continue and contact the millions of us who really need this.

    • Love your point about always being told “What NOT to do”.
      This doesn’t just apply to shyness but to everything, especially chronic illness.

  • Hi Sean,

    I’ve been a mostly extreme introvert all my life. My shyness has been
    the biggest problem in my life and has definitely held me back in
    so many ways.

    Worst advice: “Fake it ’til you make it.”

    Another one:
    When I try to talk to women how am I supposed to come up with
    something to say? “let it come naturally”? – How when all the blood
    seems to rush out of my brain and I feel very stupid. This leads to
    an embarrassing situation that further leads to yet another bad
    memory of failure.

    I wish your site had been around when I was young. I wish even
    more that schools had a place for people with similar problems.
    Schools today seem to force extroverted collaboration onto students.
    This means I would fail miserably in such an environment.
    This doesn’t mean I’m stupid. I put myself through college by
    winning scholarships in math and science! I’m a thinker and not a

  • fake it till you make it. pretend to be an outgoing people person. that’s even worse than being in the social situation in the first place.

    that one day I will get over this and be more confident and assertive. and for a while in my 30’s it did a little but my annual job review would always include assertiveness as a help needed area. giving presentations got better but were something that would keep me up weeks ahead of giving it. so it never got better and it was clear to me I’d never progress up the latter further. wish I’d never believed I could and saved myself the disappointment.

  • I found this article really funny?? because it’s so true! Especially points 2-5. I don’t know who would give a shy person the advice to “talk less”. That’s like telling an obese person to just eat more burgers.

  • hi sean
    this is shyam i accept all your articles but gutta tell you onething shyness social anxiety is related with hypertension depression and isolation this all are major part of Neuro problems…i mean to say is that under medical terms so this is to inform you that all this are not actually meant to be sumkinda disease afterall you just admit social anxiety is not in our head.

  • Worst advice I’ve been given is I should socialize more. Can you be more specific? Do I walk up to random people and just start talking to them? Just because I’m placed in a roomful of people doesn’t mean I’ll just start making friends. There’s got to be connection there.
    A. I’d been homeschooled at least half my life.
    B. When I was in public school, during high school, my social anxiety got WORSE by forcing myself to socialize and hang out in groups (before I was awkward, but still had some confidence to go up to people and talk. But being forced around people made me more self-conscious of my awkwardness than I was before and I also got burned out from being overwhelmed by people)
    C. I’ve isolated myself almost all my adult life (though I’m only 20), so I’m a bit out of touch on how one could socialize outside a school setting or having my parents arrange the friendship (pathetic, I know)
    D. I’m also a bit of a natural introvert. The type to have deep, one-on-one conversations with a close friend. Socializing with people I don’t plan on having lasting connections with is exhausting, yet when my “lasting” connections don’t last, I get lonely and I don’t know how I could come even close to finding friends like them.
    Another bad advice I’ve been given is that I should talk more. I’ve actually tried this to some degree, and I’ve ended up escalating my anxiety because I’d either say something, worry if I said the wrong thing, say something again to try to fix it, worry, etc. Or if it’s through instant messaging, there’s the anxiety of why they didn’t answer right away, so you keep talking until they do. Or I end up annoying my friends because I keep asking them “Hi. How are you?” several times in a day in attempt to start a conversation, but I can’t think of anything to follow it, so it becomes repetitive until they think I’m boring. So actually, sometimes talking more can increase ANXIETY, not confidence. Usually I don’t talk because I don’t have anything to say, so I don’t see the point of forcing myself to talk for no reason except to cease the “awkward” silence. Forcing myself to talk works best in professional settings where you have to talk, but my interaction with the customer isn’t long so I can mimic a social persona. But forcing myself to talk when there’s nothing to say can sometimes make things WORSE in friendships because your social persona wears out, and you end up treating them like an acquaintance even though really they mean a lot to you.

  • Thank you for this. Most of these have been things that my mom has told me to overcome my shyness, especially the one to introduce myself to a random stranger. She is very extroverted and doesn’t understand how I feel, especially since she keeps putting me down because of my shyness, saying “Being shy is weird and unnatural” or “Everyone is gonna think you’re stuck up.” She has once even told me she would force me to talk to literally every single contact on her phone to “cure my shyness” after becoming extremely awkward and nervous talking to someone to ask to volunteer at a place, and I remember how panicked I felt when she said that.

    I’m honestly sorry for rambling about this, but I’ve really needed a place to release how I’ve felt for a long time. Your articles are very insightful, and this one is one I relate to the most. I might show my mom this article later so that she can stop telling me this stuff, or even understand how I feel a little bit.

  • Thank the stars I found this article! Its about time! The VERY worst advice I got, because it worked once for me than after that had me feeling guilty and saying stupid stuff, was “it [shyness] is just self obsession. That’s all.” Another take on “think about others not yourself” and adds a twist of “shy is self centered”. I heard it in 12 step recovery where I was working on being less self obsessed so it worked 1 time. I liken it to Dr. Phil advice which works bandaid approach but is dangerous in the long run. The most COMMON bad advice is CBT, or “fake it til you make it” aka: envision yourself as confident and outgoing, then act that way. Can’t these Einstein Advisors see I’m looking to be comfortable in my own skin around people? I already know how to fake it. Thats why many outgoing people see me as aloof, phony, and snooty. I’m painfully SHY. When I fake it I get good then better at faking. That’s all.

  • I have been diagnosed with PTSD and strongly suspect I may have asbergers.
    What my family and teachers have always said to me was: “Do it! don’t just stand there looking stupid”.
    Sure but, how do I do what they told me to do? I don’t understand HOW to do what you ask of me.
    Today I am doing really well. I love your emails Sean. It’s great and I am learning to affiliate your Shyness program and more.

  • Really insightful content! Thanks! Pieces of Advice that pisses me off are; “if you let yourself to be treated like a doormat don´t be surprised if people walk over you ” and “If you don´t like yourself, then how do you expect others to like you?” These aren´t exactly the most encouraging tips. 🙂
    These were in CBT book on social phobia written by psychologists.

  • 1. From one of my “friends”; “just get out there and talk to people, its not that hard”. If it were not hard, I would’ve done it. Me being almost incapable of talking to people without breaking down isn’t something I’ve had an exact “choice” of. Me being scared of talking to others isn’t something I have decided.
    2. Listed above is the worst shyness advice I receive that I am frequently given, almost to a day-to-day basis. Bad shyness advice has affected me greatly. “Just be yourself”; I’ve alienated nearly my whole class since they think I’m creepy. “Observe and imitate”; yes, lie to myself about who and what I am, simply to impress people who don’t like me in the first place, and are just genuinely nasty people?
    I don’t know what to do. I am the lowest on the social ladder at school. People think I’m weird, creepy, and idiotic. I only have two people I get along closely with at my current school. I’m scared of what people think of me, what I’m doing wrong. I’m so scared.

  • Positive affirmations, help tremendously, trying to think your way out of something isn’t the same as voicing what you desire..AND IT WORKS…Your teaching is FAKE!

  • Hahaha I like how one of the examples of affirmations is “I’m good at acting.” I am pretty good at acting:

    – I’m good at pretending that I isolate myself on purpose because I enjoy being lonely
    – I’m good at pretending to feel OK when I’m feeling unhappy
    – I’m good at pretending not to care much when I’m actually really happy and excited (I don’t want to hear later “what’s wrong with you? you were so happy before”)

    Some of these points are good things to consider as you work on becoming less shy. When I first moved away to college, I started going to parties, and as another anonymous freshman with a bit of liquid courage, I was able to join conversations…. and I talked incessantly about myself. I basically acted like my mum and had no filter, just said whatever came into my mind… and if I was feeling uninspired or down, I would expect other people to say interesting things to entertain me.

    This is not meant to scare you, although I probably did (sorry). It’s meant to be advice from someone who did something socially wrong (and by the way, I’m still around and I’m still a perfectly good human being despite making a mistake).

    So maybe next time you’re safe in the corner of the coffee shop with a prop (book or laptop), secretly listen to how other people are interacting. I don’t know if it will help, since I’m on a waiting list to get in to see a therapist because I can’t figure it out.

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