How To Overcome Shyness: The Ultimate 3 Step Guide

shyness and social anxiety guy

See the guy in these photos above?

That guy used to be the quietest guy ever. The most shy person you’d ever meet.

I know… because those are photos of me.

  • I used to be the guy who never talked around people I didn’t know well. I had a hard time keeping a conversation going or thinking of what to say.
  • I was often really nervous and anxious. Especially talking on the phone or in front of groups of people. I DREADED public speaking.
  • I  had never had a girlfriend before. In fact, I was still a virgin at 21 years old despite being a decent-looking guy.
  • I didn’t have a solid group of friends. Sometimes I’d get so bored when I was lonely. I didn’t understand why people didn’t seem to like me all that much.
  • I was also insecure about the way I looked. This DEFINITELY didn’t help my confidence.

If you can relate to what I’m saying so far, then I’ve got good news.

On this page I’ll share with you some little-known techniques and tips that will help you overcome your shyness. (Including a simple technique that will let you always know what to talk about in conversations.)

So if you want to stop being shy, then bookmark this page now because you won’t find most of this knowledge anywhere else. And you’ll want to come back here again and again.

Who Are You? And How Did You Overcome Your Shyness?

My name is Sean Cooper. Really quickly, here’s why you should listen to me:

Every month tens of thousands of people come to this website. They are mostly people like you who want to learn how to overcome their shyness or social anxiety. Some of the videos on my Youtube channel have gotten tens of thousands of views.

Why do so many shy people come to me? I think it’s because I speak from experience.

find out if you have shynessI’ve personally felt what it’s like to feel painfully awkward around someone you’re attracted to. Or to be unsure of what to say when you meet someone you don’t know well. Or to spend years repeatedly hearing people tell you: “Why are you so quiet?”

Because of this, I only focus on shyness advice that works. I know it works because I’ve tested it on myself and my clients in the real world. That’s why you’ll never hear me repeat the usual self help crappy advice that doesn’t help you like:

  • “Just focus on other people!”
  • “Pretend to be confident!”
  • “Fake it ’til you make it!”

And now even recognized experts have praised my work helping people overcome shyness. For example, here’s part of a note that Dr. Aziz Gazipura (Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Founder of The Center For Social Confidence) sent me:

Thanks for your ongoing support in helping me reach more people. You are doing powerful work in the world that is greatly needed. Keep doing what you're doing and keep being you!

aziz gazipura
Dr. Aziz Gazipura
Clinical Psychologist, PhD from Stanford
 

But a few years ago, my life looked a hell of a lot different…

Growing Up, I Was Invisible

girl looking out thinkingIn fact, I tried to MAKE myself invisible. Never raising my hand in class, talking quietly, keeping to myself during lunch, not doing much outside the house, not making friends, and so on.

Sometimes I feel like I wasted those years in elementary and high school. Sure, I got good grades, but I missed out on making lifelong friends and creating fun memories with them.

After that I moved out of my parent’s house to go to university. I was going to a university in Ottawa (that’s the capital city of Canada).

Starting the year, I had high hopes. I thought that maybe in a new city I would be able to “start fresh.” Maybe if I got away from the people I knew in high school I could finally let go of my old shyness. Maybe I could make some friends and… who knows… even get a nice girlfriend?

But after a few weeks in university, my hope was shattered. And I realized something horrible: Even though I had moved to a new place…

I… was still me.

I had carried “my old self” with me to the new city. My old insecurities and fears came rushing back as soon as I moved into my room. I was living in a big house with eight roommates and… guess what?

I Spent Most Of My Time Trying To Avoid All Of Them!

Whenever I had to eat, I tried to make sure no one was in the kitchen. I tiptoed around so people wouldn’t hear me going to my room. On the weekends, I shut myself in my room and prayed nobody would decide to invite friends over.

My extreme shyness was making me isolated from friends… from a girlfriend… from having a life that was actually interesting. And even though I was living in a house with several people, I was starting to feel like a crazy hermit and a complete loner.

One day I even overheard a couple of my roommates talking about me. They were wondering what I did all the time because they never saw me. (I was always on my computer in my room.)

stack of shyness booksI won’t bore you with the rest of the details, but it was around that time I decided to try something desperate.

I decided to spend several months going through every psychology book that was even a little bit related to shyness. I read scientific studies, I read the bestselling “conversation tips” books, I learned from dating coaches, I listened to audio programs and video seminars on confidence.

I Became Obsessed With Finding A Solution To End My Shyness!

And what I discovered is that there really was no one single solution out there.

However, there were usually one or two useful tips or techniques in each book or product I went through. And when I combined them all together I started to see myself actually overcoming my shyness, for real.

Of course, change didn’t happen overnight. It took me a few weeks to figure out what worked… A couple months later people were starting to comment about how “different” I was. One of my classmates even started calling me “New Sean.”

I was no longer the quiet guy who never talked. Instead of sitting alone wondering why people didn’t invite me to do things, I actually had a close group of friends and a social life. Best of all, I even figured out how to get a girlfriend… something I thought would never happen!

sean cooper with friends

That’s me on the left.

And after I experienced my own transformation, I decided to put together this website to help other people like you do the same. Now that you understand exactly where I’m coming from, here are the tips I promised you:

Conclusion

It may take you some time to go through all 9 steps I shared with you. By the end, you’ll have a crystal clear new understanding of your shyness and you will have effective tools to help you start becoming more outgoing and confident.

I also hope you enjoyed reading my story in the beginning. I believe that learning from someone who has actually been in your shoes before is incredibly important. Don’t trust shyness advice from someone who has never had to overcome the problem before… they don’t realize how hard it actually is to act or feel different.

Finally, I have a lot more tips to share with you. Feel free to browse the rest of my articles on this blog and I HIGHLY recommend you sign up to my email newsletter in the box below. That’s where I send out my newest cutting edge tips and updates.

About the author

Sean Cooper

I study all areas of psychology, sharing what works (and what doesn't) for overcoming shyness and social anxiety. After curing my own severe social anxiety I created "The Shyness and Social Anxiety System" to help others. This program has received stunning reviews from psychologists and people like you.

Now it's my life's mission is to help 25,000 people get the confidence, friends and romantic partner you want!

Read more about me here.