2. Shyness Is NOT “All In Your Head”
If you have shyness, then you are an incredibly courageous person. You are amazing because nothing compares to battling with your own brain every single day.
Other people don’t understand how hard it is for you to do simple things like talk to someone you find attractive or have fun at a party… or even get invited to a party in the first place!
My parents often used to tell me that “it’s all in your head.” They didn’t understand that I had no control over how nervous, awkward and quiet I was around people. I would never CHOOSE to be this way!
The truth is that shyness is NOT “all in your head.” And you cannot “just get over it” any more than someone can “just get over” cancer.
The Real Biological CAUSE Of Shyness
I’m sure you’ve heard of the “fight or flight response” before, haven’t you? It’s a fancy scientific word for FEAR.
Shyness is fear at its core. You’re afraid of people’s eyes on you, of being judged, of embarrassing yourself, of making a mistake in front of everyone, of not saying the right thing. The way you feel before talking in front of a group of people is probably similar to what most people feel before jumping out of a plane.
Fear is what you feel when there’s danger in your environment. It’s like an “alarm system” that helps you react quickly to threats. That’s why scientists often call fear the “fight or flight response” — it helps you to fight a danger or run away from it.[1] And usually fear or anxiety is a good thing.
Imagine if a caveman saw a big tiger and he didn’t feel fear? The tiger would eat him. But if the caveman saw the tiger and instantly felt fear, then he would know to quickly hide or run into a cave to get away from the tiger.
USUALLY Fear Helps You Survive…
But sometimes this “alarm system” in your brain gets programmed in the wrong way. This can happen through your genetics, through childhood experiences, or both.[2]
When this happens, your “fight or flight response” is activated even when there isn’t any real danger. This is why you automatically start to feel nervous, awkward and tense in normal everyday social situations. It’s why you automatically become quieter and talk less around people you don’t know well compared to your 1-2 closest friends.
So the bad news is that your brain has been accidentally “programmed” to feel shyness. Just like a computer is programmed to work a certain way.
This means no amount of trying to THINK or talk your way out of shyness will work. See, your “fight or flight response” doesn’t understand psychology or self help books. It doesn’t understand when you repeat to yourself “what’s the worst that can happen?”
And even though you’re smart enough to know “there’s nothing to be afraid of” like other people probably tell you, you still feel this way anyway. No, shyness is not “all in your head,” it’s programmed DEEP into the fear part of your brain, into your biological survival instincts.
Now, stick with me because there is some BIG good news…
What To Do Next
You now know WHY all the other advice for shyness doesn’t work for most people. The articles, books and advice are not specific enough to be effective. And they don’t target the root biological cause of your shyness. So the next step is clear…
If you want to permanently eliminate your social anxiety, you need to know HOW to reprogram your “fight or flight response” so that you do not automatically become quiet, awkward or nervous in social situations.
- Can you imagine how much better your life would be if you could quickly stop feeling anxious, nervous or self conscious anytime you needed before anyone even noticed?
- Can you feel how much easier it would be to talk to people without ever running out of things to say, and stop being called quiet… if only you could feel confident and in control all the time?
- Can you see how much more your coworkers, classmates or family would respect you… how much better you would do at your career, and how much more attractive you would be to the opposite sex if you could “turn off” your insecurities, awkwardness and shyness?
In fact, what if I told you there IS a proven way to reprogram your “fight or flight” response? A set of insights, techniques and strategies based on cutting-edge science that can permanently turn off the shy part of your brain like turning off a light switch?
On the very next page, I’ll let you in on the specifics of my method for overcoming shyness, and how you can get started within 30 minutes from now…
- “What’s the Purpose of the Fight or Flight Response?” Psych Central.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2015.
- Physician’s Desk Reference. “Social Phobia Causes, Diagnosis, Treatment.” pdrhealth. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Feb. 2015.