The fact – which I don’t really see acknowledged anywhere – is that although some guys get a yes from almost every woman they ask out, some of us never get a date no matter what we do, no matter how much we spend on coaching, etc., Some of us are just unable to attract any women on a sexual level. We may have lots of women friends, but there is *never* the tiniest chance that any woman could see us as a sexual person. And if we try to act like one, we are seen as creeps because we are just – for whatever reason – not ‘supposed’ to be sexual people… irrespective of what we want, or how hard we try to “practice, practice, practice…” we are not. And cannot be.

This has nothing to do withy my looks, state of health / fitness, skills, hobbies or professional/financial success: I have all of these things and more in droves. In spite of this ‘success’, I do not feel good about myself at all. In fact I don’t see any point in approaching any woman because she has a choice among guys – and no matter what, I just don’t feel like I can compete against other guys, all of whom are / can be attractive to women. As I indicated previously, I’ve never approached any woman because no woman has ever shown the slightest interest in me and will never embarrass a woman by approaching her – there is no evidence that any woman could be interested in me.

You need to cut that part out,

“All it takes is a leap of faith.”
The first time I asked someone was indirectly, it doesn’t matter if they reject you, you’ll get back to the same reputation with that person in no time whatsoever. I can guarantee you that, if you act how you were with that person.

Find a hobby? But accepting that you’re “beyond hope” is the wrong attitude. I have the same problem as you (well I did have one girlfriend, back in the days when I’d sometimes get so drunk that my lack of inhibitions, not to mention drunken arousal, finally out-balanced my shyness, but haven’t had another date in the following 20 years), except that I’m actually attractive. So don’t blame it all on your looks. You could still get an ugly girl, or even better if you have a good personality (super funny or something). I’m sure it’s a lot more about your anxiety than it is about your looks.

I am exactly like you Sue! I am 58 and feel the same way. Not good at anything. You said you had a decent job. I didn’t even have that. I was a nursing assistant most of my life. I’m sure I would have been too dumb to be an actual nurse which I always wanted to be. I probably would have accidently killed someone because I am so absentminded and stupid. That job killed my knees and I am in constant pain. I am so worthless I don’t know why I’m here. I am glad that our days are numbered.

– I’m the only one of my cousins who is unemployed.
– I’m the only one of my cousins who is single.
– I’m the only one of my cousins who is still living with their parents.
– I’m the only one of my cousins who doesn’t have kids.

Basically, all of my cousins are married, with families and successful careers. Meanwhile, I’m the oldest (35) of my 10 cousins and I’m unemployed and living with my parents. I haven’t had a relationship since college over 10 years ago. I feel so embarrassed having to tell anyone about my life. I just want to stay home and hide from the world. 🙁

I’m reading this from the light side of my mind wondering if i’m tripping or dreaming right now. It’s like this comment was created from the other side of my mind and I completely understand what you’re saying. I thought pain would make me a better person and that I could use it as a ‘high ground’ when faced with real problems. Like I was preparing myself, saying “animals have to go through this and it forces them to adapt, so if I do it i will be stronger”. Great in theory, horrifying in practice. It never ends. I can tell myself to do something and i just go yeah, or I can do the easy thing. I thought if I avoided happiness then when it struck I would feel it more, but here I am still trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Going through the routine of pain and sorrow has a certain comfort to it, but when your tired of the loop it’s unbearable trying to get out.

I know this is a really late comment and hopefully you see it somehow, but I think what you need to work on is not changing your behavior and confidence toward women, but learning to love yourself more. Do stuff that makes you feel more accomplished or attractive. Work out at the gym, make a lot of money, learn to dance, play a sport and get good at it. If you do one of those things, you can think “Man I’ve gotten really good at tennis, I can’t be worthless if im this good.”. Try building some muscle. You can’t deny that many women like fit men and if u have it, you can think “I know she wont be turned off by my fitness level at least”. You just need to love yourself more and think more highly of yourself. How can anyone else love you if you don’t love yourself first. Hope this helped.