Do Girls Like Shy & Quiet Guys?

woman looking at attractive man

If you are a shy, quiet or introverted guy, then you will have a more difficult time getting a girlfriend than more confident and outgoing guys.

That’s simply a fact.

Anyone who says otherwise has never experienced what life is like as guy who isn’t very confident.

I’m going to admit something a bit embarrassing and private to you…

I was a virgin who had never went on a date or even kissed a girl… past the age of 21. (Maybe in some conservative or religious countries this is normal, but in North America where I grew up it’s really late. Most teenagers here start dating at 16 and usually earlier.)

It wasn’t that I was weird or incredibly ugly. I was shy. I was “the quiet guy.” I didn’t talk to people much, at school or anywhere. And this caused me to stay lonely.

Sometimes I almost gave up hope that I could ever get a girlfriend. I just wanted to be wanted by someone. To have someone to share life with and feel connected to. Was that too much to ask?

This Is The Reality For Most Shy Or Quiet Guys…

If there was a girl I liked, then I would freeze up instead of talking to her. I wouldn’t know what to say and I’d feel super awkward around her. I would often imagine asking her out and being her boyfriend, but in reality I could never do it because I was too nervous.

As a result, nothing ever happened. Even if I got the sense some girl was interested in me, I was too scared to do anything… and didn’t know what to talk about with her anyway.

I’ve been running this website aimed at people who have shyness for a few years now, and this is a common email I receive from shy women:

“I’m a woman who has really bad shyness. Whenever I go with my boyfriend to parties I always have trouble talking to new people…”

Did you notice something? Her boyfriend is mentioned almost as an afterthought. Even though the women is very shy, she still has a boyfriend.

A girl who is shy or quiet still has a good possibility that a guy will find her attractive, talk to her and ask her out on a date. Because the guy is taking the initiative, leading and risking rejection, not her.

On the other hand, women will almost never do this. The female version of “initiative” is sending some subtle sign of interest that most guys miss anyway (like looking at the guy for 2 seconds and then expecting HIM to walk over and start a conversation).

And the worst part is that women often hide their interest altogether. They are terrified of seeming desperate so they often act hard-to-get even with guys they like, preferring to be “won over” by your effort.

This is probably why I’ve received emails from many shy guys who are virgins into their 30s and 40s. And pretty much NONE of the emails from shy guys mention a girlfriend. They always sound more like this:

“I’m a man who has really bad shyness. I always have trouble talking to people and, worst of all, this is also holding me back from having a girlfriend. I haven’t even been on a date in the past x years.”

“But Some Women Love Shy Guys”

Occasionally I will run across a woman writer in a blog or forum who claims that “We love shy guys!”

I find this hard to believe, since I spent most of my school years watching the cutest girls go out with the more confident, popular or charismatic guys. But I try to keep an open mind, and I think I now understand what women mean when they say “shy guy.”

Usually she first imagines a guy who she is already very attracted to, almost intimidated of. Then she imagines this guy showing a more sensitive side which balances out his hotness or high social status.

She imagines a guy who is well-liked and cool, and maybe also a bit quirky or artistic. The guy who may talk a bit less than other people, but he’s self assured on the inside and isn’t afraid to speak up when he wants to.

nerdy awkward guys what she really means

I’m sure she isn’t fantasizing about the guy who creates awkward silences in conversations with her. I can guarantee you she isn’t imagining dating a guy who has trouble looking her in the eyes. Or the guy she had to keep asking to “talk louder” because she can’t hear him over the music. Or the guy who was invisible in class or worse, bullied/excluded by the other kids.

Yet that’s who “the shy guys” reading this article really are, probably including you.

Frankly, It Doesn’t Matter If Girls Like Shy/Quiet Guys…

Because if you can’t go talk to her and ask her on a date… then it doesn’t make any difference IF a girl likes you. Either way, you’re still going to be alone because you’re too scared of rejection to make a move.

As a man, YOU are the one who is expected to initiate almost everything when it comes to dating. YOU will have to risk rejection every step of the way if you want to start dating and get a girlfriend.

  • Everything from starting a conversation with a woman you’re attracted to…
  • Being expected to keep it going in the beginning…
  • Asking for her phone number…
  • Planning and setting up the date…
  • Trying to avoid the friend zone…
  • Going for the kiss…
  • Later leading everything to the bedroom…
  • And so on…

Why is the world like this? Feminists might blame “society,” but I believe it has more to do with our biological programming. (I talk a bit about this in my article on how to get a girlfriend.)

Either way, this is the world you’re living in now. So what are you going to do about it?

Well, if you want to learn how to stop being so shy around girls, then enter your email in the box just below this article. And I’ll send you a lot of helpful tips (including short videos) that are specifically designed to help guys who are more shy, quiet and introverted.

These tips will help you become better at talking to girls, show you the right way to ask her for her number or on a date, and how to finally start dating and get a girlfriend…

About the author

Sean Cooper

I study all areas of psychology, sharing what works (and what doesn't) for overcoming shyness and social anxiety. After curing my own severe social anxiety I created "The Shyness and Social Anxiety System" to help others. This program has received stunning reviews from psychologists and people like you.

Now it's my life's mission is to help 25,000 people get the confidence, friends and romantic partner you want!

Read more about me here.

4 Comments

  • Hey, I’m actually shy and I personally think that shy guys are actually very sweet and cute. For example, there’s this really shy guy in my math class whose been pretty much watching me since the second week of school. Every time I would catch him looking at me, he would quickly turn around and his face would turn red, and he even got all of his friends to move to a table closer to mine just so that he could stare at me without having to look over the heads of tons of other kids.

    But I actually have a question. Would it be a bad idea to just wave to him when I catch him staring at me while he’s with his friends? I’m only asking because he’s actually been trying to get me to notice him a lot more by walking next to me but then quickly rushing away when my friend walks over, or by changing his routine to walk with me when I’m actually talking to one of his friends. (He actually eavesdrops on my conversations for a chance to jump in but then never actually does and just quickly walks away.)

    *He kind of creeped me out at first, but he’s never done anything to hurt me or offend me. His friends are now always popping up near me and I feel like they’re just watching me to see if I have a boyfriend or something.

  • After reading this i feel comfident to talk to any girl but the problem is ‘i don’t know what stories to tell her’
    i become completly dry.

  • You are a beautiful creature and this is a perfect analysis. My friend and I discuss this often, because we know we have done this in the past; fantasizing/idealizing/infatuations/etc. Once we’re aware of it, we attempt to fix it. Honestly, it works sometimes and sometimes it’s still a struggle.

    This is great. Keep being awesome.

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